Posts Tagged ‘worthless’

alone at night, hard bed, neighbors scream next door

paper-thin, garage-sale sheets flutter from a shaky fan

street lights permeate broken blinds and illuminate a smoky room

pills and warm beer numb the pain and prevent the tears

swollen feet, rotten teeth, stiff fingers, aching back

selling lottery tickets and cheap gas at a ten-hour shift

paycheck to paycheck, bologna sandwiches, fried burrito shirts

anyone, no one wonders where it all went

unrealized dreams, youth breezed by, life advanced

mistakes begat mistakes, finishing last on life’s ladder

forgotten loves, child support, where are they now

my god, my god, why have you forgotten me

regret and sorrow is all i deserve

regret and sorrow is all i own

i don’t want to make the light of day

a life, a life, a life that finished last

promise, sacrifice, messiah, love

redemption, forgiveness, risen glory

for a soul, a soul…

a soul to finish first

Read Full Post »

another night without talking

backs simply gawking

on the edge of balking

intent on stalling

loves withdrawing

recalling the days I loved u

drawing on gray november hue

mumbling out of the blue

pausing becomes past due

whispering I love you

our time quickly dying

no matter if I’m trying

fighting, denying, crying

I know you’re just surviving

a broken soul tiring

I miss you smiling

I set you free

of you

that was me

Read Full Post »


peaceful into the night

peaceful into the night

my star never did burn bright

peaceful into the night

not a fucking thing done right

peaceful into the night

my soul yearns for god’s light

as I pass

as I pass…

peaceful into the night

muddy dreams slip from my sight

gripping my breathe tight

I – of forgotten me – refuse to fight

as I sink

as I float

peaceful into the night

love’s pitiful plight

shattered outright

as I… go…

to empathy’s delight

peaceful into the night

peaceful into the night





Read Full Post »

there’s my mom, sittin’ up front, cryin’, carryin’ on

in er blue dress, the one she got for my gradeation

the lace ’round the collar is tore, but that’s my fault

seein’ how she cried, when i fell, cause i was plastered

didn’t even have it in my hand yet, the deploma that is

everyone laughed…but not my mom, she gets angry (more…)

Read Full Post »


Failure. Failure to serve those around me. Failure to serve my lord.  Failure to serve my family. I often wonder how so many people awake every morning and run the rat race while tending to children and working out at the gym, accomplishing so much with so little time. Maybe, that’s not my lot in life. Maybe, my lot is failure. Does it matter really? In the end, when we all take that last breath of air into our lungs, does it matter?

I often spend way too many hours dreaming about what could be instead of living in what should be, and a long time ago, I realized that I am a dreamer, the silly little boy pretending to be a werewolf covered in dried mud, seeing stories and adventures in every second of every day, but only living those far away fairy tales of illusions instead of working on life.

God can be cruel sometimes, no, strike that; God is never cruel. Life can be cruel. Humans are cruel, and our emotions only intensify that cruelty. We interpret the failures in our own lives as a cruelty that haunts us deep into the night, but when really, life has up and life has downs.

I don’t know where I’m going tonight with these words that my hands keep typing. I guess I have so much swirling in my mind that I just need to get it out. I feel worthless right now, and I know that millions out there feel the same way at this time, I just wish we could all know that there is worth even when we don’t see it. I guess I keep telling myself that. I know that when I pray, I feel a love from my God, and I often don’t feel the failure once that happens, but then some days, the failure is over whelming, and I write nothing but gibberish.

I guess I’m writing this so if someone comes across it, and perhaps, he or she is feeling like a failure or worthless, I want you to know you’re not alone. You at least know that I am here, and if I’m here then there are others dealing with pain of failure. I do know that no matter what, God loves us. You are not a failure in his eyes.

What’s funny as I write this, the song “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips is playing (yes, I have some Wilson Phillips songs). That shows right there that life might be a fickle beast, but all of us just need to hold on because if Wilson Phillips can have a few good songs, then we all can have our own good songs or moments in life. And I can guarantee this – that I’m cheering for you, and your biggest fan is always at your side, and he never gives up on you. May God bless you.

photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/papazimouris/

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts

%d bloggers like this: