Failure. Failure to serve those around me. Failure to serve my lord. Failure to serve my family. I often wonder how so many people awake every morning and run the rat race while tending to children and working out at the gym, accomplishing so much with so little time. Maybe, that’s not my lot in life. Maybe, my lot is failure. Does it matter really? In the end, when we all take that last breath of air into our lungs, does it matter?
I often spend way too many hours dreaming about what could be instead of living in what should be, and a long time ago, I realized that I am a dreamer, the silly little boy pretending to be a werewolf covered in dried mud, seeing stories and adventures in every second of every day, but only living those far away fairy tales of illusions instead of working on life.
God can be cruel sometimes, no, strike that; God is never cruel. Life can be cruel. Humans are cruel, and our emotions only intensify that cruelty. We interpret the failures in our own lives as a cruelty that haunts us deep into the night, but when really, life has up and life has downs.
I don’t know where I’m going tonight with these words that my hands keep typing. I guess I have so much swirling in my mind that I just need to get it out. I feel worthless right now, and I know that millions out there feel the same way at this time, I just wish we could all know that there is worth even when we don’t see it. I guess I keep telling myself that. I know that when I pray, I feel a love from my God, and I often don’t feel the failure once that happens, but then some days, the failure is over whelming, and I write nothing but gibberish.
I guess I’m writing this so if someone comes across it, and perhaps, he or she is feeling like a failure or worthless, I want you to know you’re not alone. You at least know that I am here, and if I’m here then there are others dealing with pain of failure. I do know that no matter what, God loves us. You are not a failure in his eyes.
What’s funny as I write this, the song “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips is playing (yes, I have some Wilson Phillips songs). That shows right there that life might be a fickle beast, but all of us just need to hold on because if Wilson Phillips can have a few good songs, then we all can have our own good songs or moments in life. And I can guarantee this – that I’m cheering for you, and your biggest fan is always at your side, and he never gives up on you. May God bless you.
Compiling God's Code 
Glad to see you back writing again. I’m resonating with the line that everything has worth even if we don’t see it – even me, even you, yes. And I am also thinking that this posting – all our postings – are a form of praying. Hang in there!
Thanks Michael. I like that idea that our postings are a form of prayer. I guess that is very similar to psalms or proverbs.
I love Wilson Philips *massive grin*
I reckon we all go through times when we feel like absolute failures. I know I’ve had times when I have completely lacked motivation, been lazy, felt tired and just over it.
I started my relationship with Christ in 2008, and since that time I have had some ups and downs. I remember reading the book, ‘A Purpose Driven’ Life and it many ways it changed my life. Something I recognised almost immediately is I began to break things down into smaller pieces and do every one of them the best I possibly could.
This sometimes meant I didn;t get as much done as I would have initially hoped. BUT the reality was I WAS getting so much more done, and I was getting it done with quality and consideration and I felt great about it, because it was DIFFICULT.
Lets face it, we never feel that great about getting things done that are easy!
Great read – so if you have not read it, I highly recommend it 🙂
Wonderful honest blog, thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Miss Lou
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Thank you for the book suggestion. I got half-way through that book, and for some reason, I can’t remember what, I never finished it. That’s probably a good example of my life; no purpose to read “A Purpose Driven Life.” 🙂
I’d be praying for the strength to finish stuff I start if you are having that issue.
LOL – something I sometimes have issues with 🙂
Another great book is ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’ By susan Jeffers 🙂
*beaming smiles*
Miss Lou
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