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Posts Tagged ‘god loves’

alone at night, hard bed, neighbors scream next door

paper-thin, garage-sale sheets flutter from a shaky fan

street lights permeate broken blinds and illuminate a smoky room

pills and warm beer numb the pain and prevent the tears

swollen feet, rotten teeth, stiff fingers, aching back

selling lottery tickets and cheap gas at a ten-hour shift

paycheck to paycheck, bologna sandwiches, fried burrito shirts

anyone, no one wonders where it all went

unrealized dreams, youth breezed by, life advanced

mistakes begat mistakes, finishing last on life’s ladder

forgotten loves, child support, where are they now

my god, my god, why have you forgotten me

regret and sorrow is all i deserve

regret and sorrow is all i own

i don’t want to make the light of day

a life, a life, a life that finished last

promise, sacrifice, messiah, love

redemption, forgiveness, risen glory

for a soul, a soul…

a soul to finish first

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The man, motionless, sagging as a weathered piece of wallpaper –
tearing from the top, hangs, hangs, hangs
from the blood-stained frame worn smooth from daily crucifixions.
With knees bent awkwardly to the left and arms outstretched and nailed to wood,
his chin rests upon his bloody chest as the body protrudes from the cross.
Dark, blood-stained eyes stare out upon a red-washed landscape,
scanning the world full of people, near and off in the distance, now and lives to come;
his breathing is labored, each exhale painful from bruised ribs
each inhale impossible from the weight of his limp body;
the man struggles, licks his parched lips and speaks…

Father… forgive them… for they… for they… do not know… what they do…

they hurt they do not know they do not comprehend
i love them you love them let me bear their pain their suffering
i beg you please take all their pain and place upon me I will endure
all who will hurt put their pain on me all their tragedies heartaches sufferings illnesses
the years will come and go but they will not change they will always be scared
IT HURTS   IT HURTS   IT     HURTS
my body is weak take away the hurt
i am SCARED
i am so afraid of dying father
so scared
i feel alone
will they ever understand why
will they
answer me
i just want them to love you
i just want them to love you
i just want them to know who i am
who i am who i am know who i am
to know how much you love them

The swell of bystanders murmuring, pointing, and snickering, at the man
relish in the festivities of Roman ringleaders as they gamble for his clothing.
But, as hours float away and the sun scorches the ground, the crowd, the man –
uninterested spectators wander away to tend to more pressing affairs.

forgive me if I have failed as i gave all I had
you lied
i hurt i am dying father FATHER F A T H EERRR

The man struggles to lift his head heavenward and screams
in a broken voice that could have been yelled by an eighty-year-old smoker.

My God… My God… why… Why! Why have you forsaken me!

no
no
no no  no    no         no      father i feel you here beside me
holding me loving me comforting me revealing to me let your will be done
I am terrified I must die I will carry their load suffer their sins
I will pay their debt let your will be done I love them you love them
I give all that I am all that I will be all that love offers
Let my suffering   my    suffering be their glory

Warm moist air pushes rain heavy clouds across the sky
casting the area into a dull lifeless masterpiece of gray.
The day has drifted into eternity.
With a smile on his lips and glimmer in his eyes
the Messiah, the Christ, the Savior lifts his head
forgive them for they do not know what they do – and speaks

Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.

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words falling

Tonight, I sit at my desk, in my chair that is often too low that it makes my knees hurt, and I have to lean back and push the monitors back on the desktop so that I can read the words; otherwise my weakening eyes are unable to discern what I’m typing. Tonight, my head hurts from allergies and crying, which only complicates the allergy symptoms. Oh, I have the sad songs playing; well, I don’t like to call them sad; I prefer to refer to them as emotionally-inducing muses that stir the rambling in my head that allows the swirling ideas to funnel down my arms to my fingers and eventually onto my keyboard to finally end up on the computer screen.

Occasionally, I feel the weight of the world – its problems, more like humanity’s problems. The sadness, loneliness, hurt, anger, fear, confusion, and pain that so many people push deep inside as they deal with their days. We hid it so those around us continue to function, but when the sun goes down, and the homes’ owners close their doors and turn off their lights, the sorrow rises and gnaws at our soul.

(more…)

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