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Posts Tagged ‘day dreamer’

is it possible to get stuck in a dream

never wake

glide the nights and days

running down that memory

warped in my dream

is that heaven

or hell

no, hell wakes to fading whispers

pillow cradles

fan buzzes

covers comfort

darkness fades to sunshine

smiles hugs laughter love

i’ll surf my dream of days gone by

alarm shatters the ceiling

crash

oh hell, torture reigns, walking zombie

waiting to slip back

where my soul needs to be…

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Failure. Failure to serve those around me. Failure to serve my lord.  Failure to serve my family. I often wonder how so many people awake every morning and run the rat race while tending to children and working out at the gym, accomplishing so much with so little time. Maybe, that’s not my lot in life. Maybe, my lot is failure. Does it matter really? In the end, when we all take that last breath of air into our lungs, does it matter?

I often spend way too many hours dreaming about what could be instead of living in what should be, and a long time ago, I realized that I am a dreamer, the silly little boy pretending to be a werewolf covered in dried mud, seeing stories and adventures in every second of every day, but only living those far away fairy tales of illusions instead of working on life.

God can be cruel sometimes, no, strike that; God is never cruel. Life can be cruel. Humans are cruel, and our emotions only intensify that cruelty. We interpret the failures in our own lives as a cruelty that haunts us deep into the night, but when really, life has up and life has downs.

I don’t know where I’m going tonight with these words that my hands keep typing. I guess I have so much swirling in my mind that I just need to get it out. I feel worthless right now, and I know that millions out there feel the same way at this time, I just wish we could all know that there is worth even when we don’t see it. I guess I keep telling myself that. I know that when I pray, I feel a love from my God, and I often don’t feel the failure once that happens, but then some days, the failure is over whelming, and I write nothing but gibberish.

I guess I’m writing this so if someone comes across it, and perhaps, he or she is feeling like a failure or worthless, I want you to know you’re not alone. You at least know that I am here, and if I’m here then there are others dealing with pain of failure. I do know that no matter what, God loves us. You are not a failure in his eyes.

What’s funny as I write this, the song “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips is playing (yes, I have some Wilson Phillips songs). That shows right there that life might be a fickle beast, but all of us just need to hold on because if Wilson Phillips can have a few good songs, then we all can have our own good songs or moments in life. And I can guarantee this – that I’m cheering for you, and your biggest fan is always at your side, and he never gives up on you. May God bless you.

photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/papazimouris/

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