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Posts Tagged ‘failure’

vanquished

Posted in belief, depressed, poem, spirit, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on August 14, 2020| Leave a Comment »

where did my soul go

didn’t even realize it was missing

i read something that infuriated me

or

was it that i heard some sad news

whatever

my soul is gone

indifference

hate

selfishness

is that all I got

did i drive it out

wash it out

replace it

hell, i don’t remember when it

year, yesterday, six months

i wonder what god would say

or even my mom

love

forgiveness

compassion

should i pray for that to return

leave the house

ask around

take some medication

i’ll google it

after i finish playing this game

no, wait,

my favorite episode of svu

who just sent me a snapchat

what was i missing

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rotten bones

Posted in arthritis, depressed, failure, medications, pain, panic attacks, poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2019| Leave a Comment »

battling the demons within
struggling to keep my soul without sin
hardships destroy my will to win
release my pain and move ahead
today, i hate all you said
how to move an inch and get out of bed
darkness, destruction, torture, pain
difficult to keep my thoughts sane
effort and hope are all in vain
the night will end – the sun will rise
but i will still be the thing i despise
years ago, i tossed my happy disguise
judge me all you want and cast your stones
roll your eyes at my rotten bones
i was once entrenched upon that throne
such sage advice…you have no clue
don’t worry i hate me more than you
i will be the one to pay debts past due
foul choices decided all those years
you laugh and scoff at my tears
get your fucking ass out of here
disintegration, laziness, worthlessness, death
addicted to the doctor’s caffeinated meth
I weep and choke on my last breath
god decided years ago on his own
when he cursed me with rotten bones
i would die alone

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wish

Posted in arthritis, depressed, pain, poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on June 18, 2019| Leave a Comment »

I wish every time I

hurt

A piece of me fell off

Then you would see

How little I’ve

become

If I had that one wish

I wouldn’t wish to be

okay

Because that will never

be

okay?

I hope you understand

How much I wish I was

dead

Then I would be free

Of all the shit that is

me

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at this point in my life

Posted in broken-hearted, failure, god, love, poem, prayer, serve, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
At This Point in My Life – Tracy Chapman

Don’t equate me staying afar as not being capable of love, because everything in me hurts for the broken words. I just hope you are happy because that is all that I wanted. That’s all I ever wanted, so I write this post with a broken heart but happy soul. I have prayed and prayed and prayed to God asking for answers. So I write this post, not to be selfish, but to take your pains and troubled times, now and forever more. See…

First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
The weight of ice broke my grip
I no longer bother to make the trip
Underneath the white – shielded by a tarp
Two seeds of tomorrow – deserve a fresh start
I feel the joy they celebrate
What they think of me I can only speculate
First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
I’ll serve your pain on judgment day
All your life’s debt I prepay
It’s the least that I owe – praying from afar
Cause I will be there – wherever you are

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Blanketed by a shroud

Posted in poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2015| Leave a Comment »

Death holds the day when all the colors fade to gray
Blanketed by a shroud fading life covered by a weeping cloud
Visions swirl in my head a world full of mostly dead

Death feeds the day when all the colors become gray
World trapped by ice for the homeless life’s a sacrifice
Sleeping trees vomit decayed leaves

Death controls the day when all the colors remember gray
Morbid chill from the North makes creatures ill
Grace eludes me a captured soul never free

Oh yes, Death loves the day when all the colors seem only gray.

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