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chalk dust

some days          now

i     forget the details

wiped

from a  blackboard

your eye color     how you smiled     shape of your nose

carried    away   like                   d         u                s                                t

i  me or someone

did           not  even   notice the            moment

even how your voice            sounded

when you                           called     me     daddy

how you   laug h  e   d

size of  some  hands    in mine

that is not     my             hand

games you                played

favorite star          wars               characters

some

how

fragile lines

disintegrated

in to just . . .   just  left over

chalk   dust on                  an eraser

but but but          but what the dust                          told

THRIVES IN MY SOUL!

how my heart jumped when I held your hand

the comfort when we snuggled in bed

the gut-wrenching pain when you went away

and my love

neither time nor death shall erase my love for you

for every second of every day

my love for you remains true

that truth gets me through my dark days

when my memories of you have eroded away

I love you.

vanquished

where did my soul go

didn’t even realize it was missing

i read something that infuriated me

or

was it that i heard some sad news

whatever

my soul is gone

indifference

hate

selfishness

is that all I got

did i drive it out

wash it out

replace it

hell, i don’t remember when it

year, yesterday, six months

i wonder what god would say

or even my mom

love

forgiveness

compassion

should i pray for that to return

leave the house

ask around

take some medication

i’ll google it

after i finish playing this game

no, wait,

my favorite episode of svu

who just sent me a snapchat

what was i missing

rotten bones

battling the demons within
struggling to keep my soul without sin
hardships destroy my will to win
release my pain and move ahead
today, i hate all you said
how to move an inch and get out of bed
darkness, destruction, torture, pain
difficult to keep my thoughts sane
effort and hope are all in vain
the night will end – the sun will rise
but i will still be the thing i despise
years ago, i tossed my happy disguise
judge me all you want and cast your stones
roll your eyes at my rotten bones
i was once entrenched upon that throne
such sage advice…you have no clue
don’t worry i hate me more than you
i will be the one to pay debts past due
foul choices decided all those years
you laugh and scoff at my tears
get your fucking ass out of here
disintegration, laziness, worthlessness, death
addicted to the doctor’s caffeinated meth
I weep and choke on my last breath
god decided years ago on his own
when he cursed me with rotten bones
i would die alone

wish

I wish every time I

hurt

A piece of me fell off

Then you would see

How little I’ve

become

If I had that one wish

I wouldn’t wish to be

okay

Because that will never

be

okay?

I hope you understand

How much I wish I was

dead

Then I would be free

Of all the shit that is

me

Separate Universes

Thirty years ago tonight, I died upon that road.
All the hopes and dreams I had never to be told.
No wife, no kids, no house to see…
I wonder what the world would be
if there had not been me.

Thirty years ago tonight, life whispered in the wind,
Signaling the beginning and calling on the end.
Jesus loves then forgives my sin…
I tremble at the scars within
as the devil grabs my soul and puts it in the bin.

Thirty years ago tonight, a jury had been called.
Destiny set sail to sea, and spirit not be stalled.
The universe refused to blink…
I fumble with the words and think
with unnurtured relationships some lives never sink.

Thirty years ago that night, I died upon the road.
Releasing bonds never made is a freedom bestowed.
Unrealized grief goes free…
I wonder what the world would be
if there had not been me.

I wonder how your world would be…

if there had not been me.

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