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Archive for the ‘failure’ Category

chalk dust

Posted in broken-hearted, children, dad, depressed, failure, love, pain, poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2021| Leave a Comment »

some days          now

i     forget the details

wiped

from a  blackboard

your eye color     how you smiled     shape of your nose

carried    away   like                   d         u                s                                t

i  me or someone

did           not  even   notice the            moment

even how your voice            sounded

when you                           called     me     daddy

how you   laug h  e   d

size of  some  hands    in mine

that is not     my             hand

games you                played

favorite star          wars               characters

some

how

fragile lines

disintegrated

in to just . . .   just  left over

chalk   dust on                  an eraser

but but but          but what the dust                          told

THRIVES IN MY SOUL!

how my heart jumped when I held your hand

the comfort when we snuggled in bed

the gut-wrenching pain when you went away

and my love

neither time nor death shall erase my love for you

for every second of every day

my love for you remains true

that truth gets me through my dark days

when my memories of you have eroded away

I love you.

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rotten bones

Posted in arthritis, depressed, failure, medications, pain, panic attacks, poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2019| Leave a Comment »

battling the demons within
struggling to keep my soul without sin
hardships destroy my will to win
release my pain and move ahead
today, i hate all you said
how to move an inch and get out of bed
darkness, destruction, torture, pain
difficult to keep my thoughts sane
effort and hope are all in vain
the night will end – the sun will rise
but i will still be the thing i despise
years ago, i tossed my happy disguise
judge me all you want and cast your stones
roll your eyes at my rotten bones
i was once entrenched upon that throne
such sage advice…you have no clue
don’t worry i hate me more than you
i will be the one to pay debts past due
foul choices decided all those years
you laugh and scoff at my tears
get your fucking ass out of here
disintegration, laziness, worthlessness, death
addicted to the doctor’s caffeinated meth
I weep and choke on my last breath
god decided years ago on his own
when he cursed me with rotten bones
i would die alone

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too muddled to think

Posted in broken-hearted, depressed, failure, medications, panic attacks, poem, tagged , , , , , , , on September 8, 2016| Leave a Comment »

i’m dead inside – i forgot how to build the fire
to set a lit to my soul’s desire
voices in the night sing my name
they hum soft words to keep me tame
clouds…clouds…clouds gray
so empty my thoughts no longer stay
a world of warm colors fades
panic slices my life with blades
god i hate me that is now me
unable to love what I see
open these lifeless eyes to stare there
at a fan circling the dust in the air
close them what does it matter
my hopes scatter
drowning
invisible
poof

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at this point in my life

Posted in broken-hearted, failure, god, love, poem, prayer, serve, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
At This Point in My Life – Tracy Chapman

Don’t equate me staying afar as not being capable of love, because everything in me hurts for the broken words. I just hope you are happy because that is all that I wanted. That’s all I ever wanted, so I write this post with a broken heart but happy soul. I have prayed and prayed and prayed to God asking for answers. So I write this post, not to be selfish, but to take your pains and troubled times, now and forever more. See…

First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
The weight of ice broke my grip
I no longer bother to make the trip
Underneath the white – shielded by a tarp
Two seeds of tomorrow – deserve a fresh start
I feel the joy they celebrate
What they think of me I can only speculate
First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
I’ll serve your pain on judgment day
All your life’s debt I prepay
It’s the least that I owe – praying from afar
Cause I will be there – wherever you are

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only wish i knew how

Posted in broken-hearted, children, dad, failure, forgiveness, god, love, poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2015| Leave a Comment »

I watched you walk across

the stage this afternoon

Knowing I’d nothing –

Nothing, to do with it.

I stood in the far back –

out of the way today

And just retreated,

retreated…

when you were handed

your high school diploma.

I wish I knew how

To tell you I love you.

I wrote you this poem

As I thought it was a start.

I’ve browsed your Facebook posts

Though I am not your friend

Your first homecoming,

Prom night, first date

Your broken arm,

and staying out late.

I wish I knew how

To show you I love you.

I wrote you this poem

As I thought it might be a start.

Some men God made a dad.

I’m sorry I’m not that man.

That’s why I went away

Let you grow on without me.

Don’t think I don’t love you.

Don’t think I don’t miss you.

Don’t think my heart’s not broken,

Destroyed and beyond repair

…

I wish I knew how

To tell you I love you.

I wrote you this poem

As I think it is a start.

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