i’m dead inside – i forgot how to build the fire
to set a lit to my soul’s desire
voices in the night sing my name
they hum soft words to keep me tame
clouds…clouds…clouds gray
so empty my thoughts no longer stay
a world of warm colors fades
panic slices my life with blades
god i hate me that is now me
unable to love what I see
open these lifeless eyes to stare there
at a fan circling the dust in the air
close them what does it matter
my hopes scatter
drowning
invisible
poof
Archive for the ‘failure’ Category
too muddled to think
Posted in broken-hearted, depressed, failure, medications, panic attacks, poem, tagged anxiety, depressed, depression, feeling lonely, lonely, panic attacks, poem, taking meds on September 8, 2016| Leave a Comment »
at this point in my life
Posted in broken-hearted, failure, god, love, poem, prayer, serve, tagged brokenhearted, depressed, failure, feeling lonely, letting go, life, lonely, love, loved, poem, sad, worthless on January 14, 2016| Leave a Comment »
Done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
At This Point in My Life – Tracy Chapman
Don’t equate me staying afar as not being capable of love, because everything in me hurts for the broken words. I just hope you are happy because that is all that I wanted. That’s all I ever wanted, so I write this post with a broken heart but happy soul. I have prayed and prayed and prayed to God asking for answers. So I write this post, not to be selfish, but to take your pains and troubled times, now and forever more. See…
First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
The weight of ice broke my grip
I no longer bother to make the trip
Underneath the white – shielded by a tarp
Two seeds of tomorrow – deserve a fresh start
I feel the joy they celebrate
What they think of me I can only speculate
First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
I’ll serve your pain on judgment day
All your life’s debt I prepay
It’s the least that I owe – praying from afar
Cause I will be there – wherever you are
only wish i knew how
Posted in broken-hearted, children, dad, failure, forgiveness, god, love, poem, tagged being a dad, brokenhearted, depressed, failure, feeling lonely, forgiveness, God, hope, letting go, love, loved, our children, poem, reason to live, sad on January 25, 2015| Leave a Comment »
I watched you walk across
the stage this afternoon
Knowing I’d nothing –
Nothing, to do with it.
I stood in the far back –
out of the way today
And just retreated,
retreated…
when you were handed
your high school diploma.
I wish I knew how
To tell you I love you.
I wrote you this poem
As I thought it was a start.
I’ve browsed your Facebook posts
Though I am not your friend
Your first homecoming,
Prom night, first date
Your broken arm,
and staying out late.
I wish I knew how
To show you I love you.
I wrote you this poem
As I thought it might be a start.
Some men God made a dad.
I’m sorry I’m not that man.
That’s why I went away
Let you grow on without me.
Don’t think I don’t love you.
Don’t think I don’t miss you.
Don’t think my heart’s not broken,
Destroyed and beyond repair
…
I wish I knew how
To tell you I love you.
I wrote you this poem
As I think it is a start.
finish last, finish first
Posted in broken-hearted, failure, forgiveness, god, jesus, love, poem, tagged brokenhearted, depression, failure, feeling lonely, forgiveness, God, god loves, God loves us, God loves you, god's love, Jesus, lonely, love, poem, sad, worthless on November 9, 2014| 3 Comments »
alone at night, hard bed, neighbors scream next door
paper-thin, garage-sale sheets flutter from a shaky fan
street lights permeate broken blinds and illuminate a smoky room
pills and warm beer numb the pain and prevent the tears
swollen feet, rotten teeth, stiff fingers, aching back
selling lottery tickets and cheap gas at a ten-hour shift
paycheck to paycheck, bologna sandwiches, fried burrito shirts
anyone, no one wonders where it all went
unrealized dreams, youth breezed by, life advanced
mistakes begat mistakes, finishing last on life’s ladder
forgotten loves, child support, where are they now
my god, my god, why have you forgotten me
regret and sorrow is all i deserve
regret and sorrow is all i own
i don’t want to make the light of day
a life, a life, a life that finished last
promise, sacrifice, messiah, love
redemption, forgiveness, risen glory
for a soul, a soul…
a soul to finish first
of you that was me
Posted in broken-hearted, failure, love, poem, tagged blog post, brokenhearted, depressed, depression, failure, feeling lonely, letting go, lonely, love, loved, poem, sad, worthless on October 24, 2014| Leave a Comment »
another night without talking
backs simply gawking
on the edge of balking
intent on stalling
loves withdrawing
recalling the days I loved u
drawing on gray november hue
mumbling out of the blue
pausing becomes past due
whispering I love you
our time quickly dying
no matter if I’m trying
fighting, denying, crying
I know you’re just surviving
a broken soul tiring
I miss you smiling
I set you free
of you
that was me
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