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Archive for the ‘failure’ Category

i’m dead inside – i forgot how to build the fire
to set a lit to my soul’s desire
voices in the night sing my name
they hum soft words to keep me tame
clouds…clouds…clouds gray
so empty my thoughts no longer stay
a world of warm colors fades
panic slices my life with blades
god i hate me that is now me
unable to love what I see
open these lifeless eyes to stare there
at a fan circling the dust in the air
close them what does it matter
my hopes scatter
drowning
invisible
poof

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Done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
At This Point in My Life – Tracy Chapman

Don’t equate me staying afar as not being capable of love, because everything in me hurts for the broken words. I just hope you are happy because that is all that I wanted. That’s all I ever wanted, so I write this post with a broken heart but happy soul. I have prayed and prayed and prayed to God asking for answers. So I write this post, not to be selfish, but to take your pains and troubled times, now and forever more. See…

First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
The weight of ice broke my grip
I no longer bother to make the trip
Underneath the white – shielded by a tarp
Two seeds of tomorrow – deserve a fresh start
I feel the joy they celebrate
What they think of me I can only speculate
First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
I’ll serve your pain on judgment day
All your life’s debt I prepay
It’s the least that I owe – praying from afar
Cause I will be there – wherever you are

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I watched you walk across

the stage this afternoon

Knowing I’d nothing –

Nothing, to do with it.

I stood in the far back –

out of the way today

And just retreated,

retreated…

when you were handed

your high school diploma.

I wish I knew how

To tell you I love you.

I wrote you this poem

As I thought it was a start.

I’ve browsed your Facebook posts

Though I am not your friend

Your first homecoming,

Prom night, first date

Your broken arm,

and staying out late.

I wish I knew how

To show you I love you.

I wrote you this poem

As I thought it might be a start.

Some men God made a dad.

I’m sorry I’m not that man.

That’s why I went away

Let you grow on without me.

Don’t think I don’t love you.

Don’t think I don’t miss you.

Don’t think my heart’s not broken,

Destroyed and beyond repair

I wish I knew how

To tell you I love you.

I wrote you this poem

As I think it is a start.

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alone at night, hard bed, neighbors scream next door

paper-thin, garage-sale sheets flutter from a shaky fan

street lights permeate broken blinds and illuminate a smoky room

pills and warm beer numb the pain and prevent the tears

swollen feet, rotten teeth, stiff fingers, aching back

selling lottery tickets and cheap gas at a ten-hour shift

paycheck to paycheck, bologna sandwiches, fried burrito shirts

anyone, no one wonders where it all went

unrealized dreams, youth breezed by, life advanced

mistakes begat mistakes, finishing last on life’s ladder

forgotten loves, child support, where are they now

my god, my god, why have you forgotten me

regret and sorrow is all i deserve

regret and sorrow is all i own

i don’t want to make the light of day

a life, a life, a life that finished last

promise, sacrifice, messiah, love

redemption, forgiveness, risen glory

for a soul, a soul…

a soul to finish first

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another night without talking

backs simply gawking

on the edge of balking

intent on stalling

loves withdrawing

recalling the days I loved u

drawing on gray november hue

mumbling out of the blue

pausing becomes past due

whispering I love you

our time quickly dying

no matter if I’m trying

fighting, denying, crying

I know you’re just surviving

a broken soul tiring

I miss you smiling

I set you free

of you

that was me

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