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Posts Tagged ‘worthless’

where did my soul go

didn’t even realize it was missing

i read something that infuriated me

or

was it that i heard some sad news

whatever

my soul is gone

indifference

hate

selfishness

is that all I got

did i drive it out

wash it out

replace it

hell, i don’t remember when it

year, yesterday, six months

i wonder what god would say

or even my mom

love

forgiveness

compassion

should i pray for that to return

leave the house

ask around

take some medication

i’ll google it

after i finish playing this game

no, wait,

my favorite episode of svu

who just sent me a snapchat

what was i missing

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I wish every time I

hurt

A piece of me fell off

Then you would see

How little I’ve

become

If I had that one wish

I wouldn’t wish to be

okay

Because that will never

be

okay?

I hope you understand

How much I wish I was

dead

Then I would be free

Of all the shit that is

me

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Done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
At This Point in My Life – Tracy Chapman

Don’t equate me staying afar as not being capable of love, because everything in me hurts for the broken words. I just hope you are happy because that is all that I wanted. That’s all I ever wanted, so I write this post with a broken heart but happy soul. I have prayed and prayed and prayed to God asking for answers. So I write this post, not to be selfish, but to take your pains and troubled times, now and forever more. See…

First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
The weight of ice broke my grip
I no longer bother to make the trip
Underneath the white – shielded by a tarp
Two seeds of tomorrow – deserve a fresh start
I feel the joy they celebrate
What they think of me I can only speculate
First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
I’ll serve your pain on judgment day
All your life’s debt I prepay
It’s the least that I owe – praying from afar
Cause I will be there – wherever you are

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Death holds the day when all the colors fade to gray
Blanketed by a shroud fading life covered by a weeping cloud
Visions swirl in my head a world full of mostly dead

Death feeds the day when all the colors become gray
World trapped by ice for the homeless life’s a sacrifice
Sleeping trees vomit decayed leaves

Death controls the day when all the colors remember gray
Morbid chill from the North makes creatures ill
Grace eludes me a captured soul never free

Oh yes, Death loves the day when all the colors seem only gray.

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alone at night, hard bed, neighbors scream next door

paper-thin, garage-sale sheets flutter from a shaky fan

street lights permeate broken blinds and illuminate a smoky room

pills and warm beer numb the pain and prevent the tears

swollen feet, rotten teeth, stiff fingers, aching back

selling lottery tickets and cheap gas at a ten-hour shift

paycheck to paycheck, bologna sandwiches, fried burrito shirts

anyone, no one wonders where it all went

unrealized dreams, youth breezed by, life advanced

mistakes begat mistakes, finishing last on life’s ladder

forgotten loves, child support, where are they now

my god, my god, why have you forgotten me

regret and sorrow is all i deserve

regret and sorrow is all i own

i don’t want to make the light of day

a life, a life, a life that finished last

promise, sacrifice, messiah, love

redemption, forgiveness, risen glory

for a soul, a soul…

a soul to finish first

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