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Posts Tagged ‘lonely’

some days          now

i     forget the details

wiped

from a  blackboard

your eye color     how you smiled     shape of your nose

carried    away   like                   d         u                s                                t

i  me or someone

did           not  even   notice the            moment

even how your voice            sounded

when you                           called     me     daddy

how you   laug h  e   d

size of  some  hands    in mine

that is not     my             hand

games you                played

favorite star          wars               characters

some

how

fragile lines

disintegrated

in to just . . .   just  left over

chalk   dust on                  an eraser

but but but          but what the dust                          told

THRIVES IN MY SOUL!

how my heart jumped when I held your hand

the comfort when we snuggled in bed

the gut-wrenching pain when you went away

and my love

neither time nor death shall erase my love for you

for every second of every day

my love for you remains true

that truth gets me through my dark days

when my memories of you have eroded away

I love you.

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where did my soul go

didn’t even realize it was missing

i read something that infuriated me

or

was it that i heard some sad news

whatever

my soul is gone

indifference

hate

selfishness

is that all I got

did i drive it out

wash it out

replace it

hell, i don’t remember when it

year, yesterday, six months

i wonder what god would say

or even my mom

love

forgiveness

compassion

should i pray for that to return

leave the house

ask around

take some medication

i’ll google it

after i finish playing this game

no, wait,

my favorite episode of svu

who just sent me a snapchat

what was i missing

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i’m dead inside – i forgot how to build the fire
to set a lit to my soul’s desire
voices in the night sing my name
they hum soft words to keep me tame
clouds…clouds…clouds gray
so empty my thoughts no longer stay
a world of warm colors fades
panic slices my life with blades
god i hate me that is now me
unable to love what I see
open these lifeless eyes to stare there
at a fan circling the dust in the air
close them what does it matter
my hopes scatter
drowning
invisible
poof

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Done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right
At This Point in My Life – Tracy Chapman

Don’t equate me staying afar as not being capable of love, because everything in me hurts for the broken words. I just hope you are happy because that is all that I wanted. That’s all I ever wanted, so I write this post with a broken heart but happy soul. I have prayed and prayed and prayed to God asking for answers. So I write this post, not to be selfish, but to take your pains and troubled times, now and forever more. See…

First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
The weight of ice broke my grip
I no longer bother to make the trip
Underneath the white – shielded by a tarp
Two seeds of tomorrow – deserve a fresh start
I feel the joy they celebrate
What they think of me I can only speculate
First came the rain – then fell the snow
I never forgot – therefor I know
I’ll serve your pain on judgment day
All your life’s debt I prepay
It’s the least that I owe – praying from afar
Cause I will be there – wherever you are

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Death holds the day when all the colors fade to gray
Blanketed by a shroud fading life covered by a weeping cloud
Visions swirl in my head a world full of mostly dead

Death feeds the day when all the colors become gray
World trapped by ice for the homeless life’s a sacrifice
Sleeping trees vomit decayed leaves

Death controls the day when all the colors remember gray
Morbid chill from the North makes creatures ill
Grace eludes me a captured soul never free

Oh yes, Death loves the day when all the colors seem only gray.

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