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Posts Tagged ‘depression’

too muddled to think

Posted in broken-hearted, depressed, failure, medications, panic attacks, poem, tagged , , , , , , , on September 8, 2016| Leave a Comment »

i’m dead inside – i forgot how to build the fire
to set a lit to my soul’s desire
voices in the night sing my name
they hum soft words to keep me tame
clouds…clouds…clouds gray
so empty my thoughts no longer stay
a world of warm colors fades
panic slices my life with blades
god i hate me that is now me
unable to love what I see
open these lifeless eyes to stare there
at a fan circling the dust in the air
close them what does it matter
my hopes scatter
drowning
invisible
poof

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Blanketed by a shroud

Posted in poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2015| Leave a Comment »

Death holds the day when all the colors fade to gray
Blanketed by a shroud fading life covered by a weeping cloud
Visions swirl in my head a world full of mostly dead

Death feeds the day when all the colors become gray
World trapped by ice for the homeless life’s a sacrifice
Sleeping trees vomit decayed leaves

Death controls the day when all the colors remember gray
Morbid chill from the North makes creatures ill
Grace eludes me a captured soul never free

Oh yes, Death loves the day when all the colors seem only gray.

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the fountain

Posted in broken-hearted, children, love, poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2015| Leave a Comment »

a fish squirting water into the hands of a plastic girl

so simple, so ordinary, so cheap from a big box store

young flowers and blue rocks frame the piece

the sun sets, and the shadows grow long

a photo of time long forgotten

of a day no longer possible

a baby boy attracted to the bubbling water

perches on a stone, his fat feet poke out from under thick legs

his tiny but large hand drawn to the cool water

his face full of wonder as he leans in

the left hand holds a block destined to be tossed in

his beauty outshines all the world around

his curiosity lures him closer

his life at that moment as simple as a plastic girl

each holding their hands in the water

a photo

a photo

the fountain weathered and fell to pieces

the boy dragged away in the arms of another

I hope to a moment as simple as a plastic girl

I’m stuck praying to a god that has more than me on his mind

if there is a heaven it is in that photo

where the baby boy in his diaper sits on a rock

and time loops on forever, loops forever

and I never have to say “goodbye’

again

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i imagine jesus telling me these words

Posted in god, jesus, love, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2015| Leave a Comment »

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Those are lines from a John Denver song. I have always loved it ever since I can remember, and since it was released in 1974, that’s about all my life. It’s called Annie’s Song because he wrote it for his wife, but on days when I feel down or alone, I play it and imagine sitting with Jesus under the shade of a large oak tree, just the two of us, alone, in the middle of nowhere. He wouldn’t necessarily be saying the words to me, but more that I can feel them in his eyes and in his manner towards me. I wish that I could say the situation was reversed, but I am terrible at expressing love, but He would know that and understand.

So for those, who might need this song and your time alone with Jesus, wherever that may be, I am including all the lyrics and a YouTube video. May God bless you, and I hope you find comfort in the song on a day you need it.

You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

John Denver
Annie’s Song

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finish last, finish first

Posted in broken-hearted, failure, forgiveness, god, jesus, love, poem, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2014| 3 Comments »

alone at night, hard bed, neighbors scream next door

paper-thin, garage-sale sheets flutter from a shaky fan

street lights permeate broken blinds and illuminate a smoky room

pills and warm beer numb the pain and prevent the tears

swollen feet, rotten teeth, stiff fingers, aching back

selling lottery tickets and cheap gas at a ten-hour shift

paycheck to paycheck, bologna sandwiches, fried burrito shirts

anyone, no one wonders where it all went

unrealized dreams, youth breezed by, life advanced

mistakes begat mistakes, finishing last on life’s ladder

forgotten loves, child support, where are they now

my god, my god, why have you forgotten me

regret and sorrow is all i deserve

regret and sorrow is all i own

i don’t want to make the light of day

a life, a life, a life that finished last

promise, sacrifice, messiah, love

redemption, forgiveness, risen glory

for a soul, a soul…

a soul to finish first

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