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Archive for the ‘belief’ Category

The man, motionless, sagging as a weathered piece of wallpaper –
tearing from the top, hangs, hangs, hangs
from the blood-stained frame worn smooth from daily crucifixions.
With knees bent awkwardly to the left and arms outstretched and nailed to wood,
his chin rests upon his bloody chest as the body protrudes from the cross.
Dark, blood-stained eyes stare out upon a red-washed landscape,
scanning the world full of people, near and off in the distance, now and lives to come;
his breathing is labored, each exhale painful from bruised ribs
each inhale impossible from the weight of his limp body;
the man struggles, licks his parched lips and speaks…

Father… forgive them… for they… for they… do not know… what they do…

they hurt they do not know they do not comprehend
i love them you love them let me bear their pain their suffering
i beg you please take all their pain and place upon me I will endure
all who will hurt put their pain on me all their tragedies heartaches sufferings illnesses
the years will come and go but they will not change they will always be scared
IT HURTS   IT HURTS   IT     HURTS
my body is weak take away the hurt
i am SCARED
i am so afraid of dying father
so scared
i feel alone
will they ever understand why
will they
answer me
i just want them to love you
i just want them to love you
i just want them to know who i am
who i am who i am know who i am
to know how much you love them

The swell of bystanders murmuring, pointing, and snickering, at the man
relish in the festivities of Roman ringleaders as they gamble for his clothing.
But, as hours float away and the sun scorches the ground, the crowd, the man –
uninterested spectators wander away to tend to more pressing affairs.

forgive me if I have failed as i gave all I had
you lied
i hurt i am dying father FATHER F A T H EERRR

The man struggles to lift his head heavenward and screams
in a broken voice that could have been yelled by an eighty-year-old smoker.

My God… My God… why… Why! Why have you forsaken me!

no
no
no no  no    no         no      father i feel you here beside me
holding me loving me comforting me revealing to me let your will be done
I am terrified I must die I will carry their load suffer their sins
I will pay their debt let your will be done I love them you love them
I give all that I am all that I will be all that love offers
Let my suffering   my    suffering be their glory

Warm moist air pushes rain heavy clouds across the sky
casting the area into a dull lifeless masterpiece of gray.
The day has drifted into eternity.
With a smile on his lips and glimmer in his eyes
the Messiah, the Christ, the Savior lifts his head
forgive them for they do not know what they do – and speaks

Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.

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If you have not read part 1, you can find it here.

xmas_3

The sun rose on another Christmas morning, and I still wonder why Christmas doesn’t feel the same to me. Of course, I gave excuses why Christmas has gone away, and to be honest, in an American sense, Christmas is disappearing. And all of that is probably due to the reasons I listed earlier.

But if Christmas is about God, and I believe it is, no matter what someone might claim as a mere commercial holiday, so if Christmas is about God, then it cannot be destroyed, it cannot go away, and it cannot be blocked by courts or politicians in an office. As the Grinch learned that fateful Christmas morning, Christmas, perhaps, is a bit more than packages and presents and roast beast.

So what it ultimately comes down to is that we make Christmas what we want it to be. For me, I thought writing this would help me find another reason why the Christmas spirit has disappeared, but I didn’t find anything – no Scrooge or Grinch moments. I have to live with the Christmas that I have been dealt, and don’t get me wrong, it is not a bad one. I have a great job and a beautiful house. That means it is just me.

So on this Christmas morning, I pray that you keep Christmas close to your heart. People can try and remove Christ from Christmas, but as long as you keep him in your heart, we can live in a world without Christmas trees, nativity scenes, and Christmas songs. Our relationship with God cannot be removed. He will always be there. Love him. Love your family, your friends, your neighbors, and all brothers and sisters on this wonderful planet we call home.

God bless you.

Wade

Image borrowed from here.

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Highway to Heaven

Growing up in the 80s, one of my favorite TV shows was Highway to Heaven starring Michael Landon and Victor French. If you don’t know the show, Michael Landon plays Jonathan Smith, an angel sent to Earth to help people in a time of need. Victor French, who is still alive and is a tad cynical, is Mark Gordon, an ex-cop helping Jonathan on his mission to serve. It was a great show that we watched as a family. This show is one of my favorite memories growing up.

Why am I talking about a TV show from the 80s? Well, I’ll tell you. Recently a production company has purchased the rights to show, and they are releasing the seasons on DVD. The shows are unedited and exactly like they were in the 80s. So far, Season 1 and Season 2 are the only seasons available, but I own both. I will include links to the DVDs on Amazon.com at the end of the post.

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words falling

Tonight, I sit at my desk, in my chair that is often too low that it makes my knees hurt, and I have to lean back and push the monitors back on the desktop so that I can read the words; otherwise my weakening eyes are unable to discern what I’m typing. Tonight, my head hurts from allergies and crying, which only complicates the allergy symptoms. Oh, I have the sad songs playing; well, I don’t like to call them sad; I prefer to refer to them as emotionally-inducing muses that stir the rambling in my head that allows the swirling ideas to funnel down my arms to my fingers and eventually onto my keyboard to finally end up on the computer screen.

Occasionally, I feel the weight of the world – its problems, more like humanity’s problems. The sadness, loneliness, hurt, anger, fear, confusion, and pain that so many people push deep inside as they deal with their days. We hid it so those around us continue to function, but when the sun goes down, and the homes’ owners close their doors and turn off their lights, the sorrow rises and gnaws at our soul.

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Our journey together

The name “compiler” is primarily used for programs that translate source code from a high-level programming language to a lower level language (e.g., assembly language or machine code).
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

THE COMPILER (That’s me)
You might be wondering who am I to be writing a blog about God, faith, religion, love, Jesus, forgiveness, serving, and all that a conversation about God brings to the table. Well, I’m really just a man who has sinned a lot, been broken to the point of considering suicide, hated God at several times in my life, depressed many days, stumbled most of my way through life with two broken marriages, and failed being a dad my kids could depend on a daily basis. I’m not a qualified theology scholar or even a scholar of anything other than computers (hence where I get my title from).

I am you.

But as it often is when it comes to God, sometimes, you are asked to do something, and you must obey, and so it is with this blog. God doesn’t use superheroes to spread his glory and love. He chooses a simple fisherman and makes him a fisher of men.

THE COMPILING PART
Why tell you that I suck at everything in my life, that I was a terrible husband and father, and that I go days being unhappy? Why? Because I love you.

I think millions of people if not billions walk around like a zombie every once and while and hate their existence. I write what I write so that you, you, the person hating life and too sad to go to work tomorrow, so you know you aren’t alone. I write for the broken-hearted, the forgotten, and the lonely.

I bare my soul on this blog because I believe God wants you to have hope and understand that he loves you. I get through my days knowing that God loves me no matter what I do or feel. You need to know that you have him and me by your side when you can’t live another day. That’s why I pray and listen to the spirit of God and write what I write. That’s why I compile His code.

We have a living God that loves you. I love you. You may feel alone and unloved, but you’re not. It is easy to be blinded by the ugly in this world. Trust me, I know.

If you feel like you don’t belong, that life sucks, that you aren’t worthy of anything. Follow this blog. Contact me. We are all on this journey together, and I am there for you.

If you feel like you have everything together, then great, help someone who doesn’t. I would like you to see these posts as an opportunity to spark debate about my compilations on this blog because discussing God, even if we disagree on what we are discussing, is a good thing. No, I would say, it’s a blessing and advances God’s will in this world.

I invite you to follow my blog. I believe God speaks in ways that I do not understand, and maybe, just maybe, you have something you are supposed to share with me.

[Note: If you have complaints about spelling, grammar, or other mindless details, please keep them to yourself.]

THE FINE PRINT
I have my beliefs, and what you will read on this blog are my interpretations of God’s voice within me; you will also find that a lot of what I believe differs from mainstream Christian beliefs, but I hope that’s where we can both learn from each other and grow as we discuss God’s will for the world.

So, like a gambler, when the cards have all been played and all bets called, I am laying my cards on the table, and here is what I believe.

  1. There is a God, and he is a living God.
  2. God sent Jesus to help us understand his plans.
  3. Jesus died for our sins.
  4. You experience God’s grace when you love and serve his flock.
  5. The spirit of God lives in everything that exists and that ever existed.
  6. If we listen closely, we can hear the guidance of his spirit.
  7. The bible is a history of God’s interaction with us.

Most importantly, I believe that God is not done communicating with us. Like I stated, he is a living God, and because he lives, he lives with us and in us, so the story of God and us is still being written even as you read this. You matter. You have worth.

I love you.

Wade Miller

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