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Archive for the ‘failure’ Category

dance on bones of dead

Posted in broken-hearted, failure, forgiveness, god, poem, questions, tagged , , , on November 21, 2013| 2 Comments »

dance on the bones of dead and try not to cryvomit of loneliness stinks the soul

gushing forth splattering across my world

gyrating and shredding – memories destroy my logic

dance on the boulevard, dance on bones of dead

god damn’t where does it all end

tracking, stumbling, elusive happiness

love craps on faith destroying the will

schemes, dreams,  lies exacerbate my attempts

dance on the mission floors, dance on the lost chances

god damn’t why am I such a motherfucker

destroy, destroy, destroy

god damn’t from nothing to nothing

dust to dust, crap to crap

paradise undiscovered

emptiness

deserve

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negative energy

Posted in broken-hearted, failure, forgiveness, god, jesus, love, questions, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2013| 3 Comments »

No matter the origin, negative energy has only one destination, and that place is your soul.

I’m re-posting an older one; mostly so that I learn more from it, and hopefully, you will as well.

No matter the origin, negative energy has only one destination, and that place is your soul. And as you fight it and struggle to push it away, you dwell longer and longer on it, feeding it, until the negativity distracts you and overwhelms you. Its simplicity is why it thrives, and the origin has long moved on, but that whisper, as you sit alone with your thoughts, gnaws and gnaws at your confidence, your heart, your logic, and your connection with God.

Forgiveness.

Jesus teaches of forgiveness because, while it won’t un-ring the bell, it transfers power from an external force to you and your relationship with God. It heals the soul. Instead of struggling, you let go. Now the whisper in your ear speaks of love and freedom. Forgiveness brings peace and a realization that life moves on, even after a bout with negative energy.

Seek and you shall find. Ask and it will be given. Forgive and you will know love.

I love you. Wade

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Angels on Earth

Posted in belief, christian, failure, forgiveness, god, jesus, love, serve, spirit, tagged , , , , , , on October 12, 2013| Leave a Comment »

words falling

Tonight, I sit at my desk, in my chair that is often too low that it makes my knees hurt, and I have to lean back and push the monitors back on the desktop so that I can read the words; otherwise my weakening eyes are unable to discern what I’m typing. Tonight, my head hurts from allergies and crying, which only complicates the allergy symptoms. Oh, I have the sad songs playing; well, I don’t like to call them sad; I prefer to refer to them as emotionally-inducing muses that stir the rambling in my head that allows the swirling ideas to funnel down my arms to my fingers and eventually onto my keyboard to finally end up on the computer screen.

Occasionally, I feel the weight of the world – its problems, more like humanity’s problems. The sadness, loneliness, hurt, anger, fear, confusion, and pain that so many people push deep inside as they deal with their days. We hid it so those around us continue to function, but when the sun goes down, and the homes’ owners close their doors and turn off their lights, the sorrow rises and gnaws at our soul.

(more…)

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What is This Blog about Anyway – I don’t get it.

Posted in belief, broken-hearted, christian, failure, forgiveness, give, god, jesus, love, questions, serve, writing, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2013| 2 Comments »

Our journey together

The name “compiler” is primarily used for programs that translate source code from a high-level programming language to a lower level language (e.g., assembly language or machine code).
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

THE COMPILER (That’s me)
You might be wondering who am I to be writing a blog about God, faith, religion, love, Jesus, forgiveness, serving, and all that a conversation about God brings to the table. Well, I’m really just a man who has sinned a lot, been broken to the point of considering suicide, hated God at several times in my life, depressed many days, stumbled most of my way through life with two broken marriages, and failed being a dad my kids could depend on a daily basis. I’m not a qualified theology scholar or even a scholar of anything other than computers (hence where I get my title from).

I am you.

But as it often is when it comes to God, sometimes, you are asked to do something, and you must obey, and so it is with this blog. God doesn’t use superheroes to spread his glory and love. He chooses a simple fisherman and makes him a fisher of men.

THE COMPILING PART
Why tell you that I suck at everything in my life, that I was a terrible husband and father, and that I go days being unhappy? Why? Because I love you.

I think millions of people if not billions walk around like a zombie every once and while and hate their existence. I write what I write so that you, you, the person hating life and too sad to go to work tomorrow, so you know you aren’t alone. I write for the broken-hearted, the forgotten, and the lonely.

I bare my soul on this blog because I believe God wants you to have hope and understand that he loves you. I get through my days knowing that God loves me no matter what I do or feel. You need to know that you have him and me by your side when you can’t live another day. That’s why I pray and listen to the spirit of God and write what I write. That’s why I compile His code.

We have a living God that loves you. I love you. You may feel alone and unloved, but you’re not. It is easy to be blinded by the ugly in this world. Trust me, I know.

If you feel like you don’t belong, that life sucks, that you aren’t worthy of anything. Follow this blog. Contact me. We are all on this journey together, and I am there for you.

If you feel like you have everything together, then great, help someone who doesn’t. I would like you to see these posts as an opportunity to spark debate about my compilations on this blog because discussing God, even if we disagree on what we are discussing, is a good thing. No, I would say, it’s a blessing and advances God’s will in this world.

I invite you to follow my blog. I believe God speaks in ways that I do not understand, and maybe, just maybe, you have something you are supposed to share with me.

[Note: If you have complaints about spelling, grammar, or other mindless details, please keep them to yourself.]

THE FINE PRINT
I have my beliefs, and what you will read on this blog are my interpretations of God’s voice within me; you will also find that a lot of what I believe differs from mainstream Christian beliefs, but I hope that’s where we can both learn from each other and grow as we discuss God’s will for the world.

So, like a gambler, when the cards have all been played and all bets called, I am laying my cards on the table, and here is what I believe.

  1. There is a God, and he is a living God.
  2. God sent Jesus to help us understand his plans.
  3. Jesus died for our sins.
  4. You experience God’s grace when you love and serve his flock.
  5. The spirit of God lives in everything that exists and that ever existed.
  6. If we listen closely, we can hear the guidance of his spirit.
  7. The bible is a history of God’s interaction with us.

Most importantly, I believe that God is not done communicating with us. Like I stated, he is a living God, and because he lives, he lives with us and in us, so the story of God and us is still being written even as you read this. You matter. You have worth.

I love you.

Wade Miller

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Failure

Posted in failure, god, love, questions, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on September 22, 2013| 5 Comments »

Image

Failure. Failure to serve those around me. Failure to serve my lord.  Failure to serve my family. I often wonder how so many people awake every morning and run the rat race while tending to children and working out at the gym, accomplishing so much with so little time. Maybe, that’s not my lot in life. Maybe, my lot is failure. Does it matter really? In the end, when we all take that last breath of air into our lungs, does it matter?

I often spend way too many hours dreaming about what could be instead of living in what should be, and a long time ago, I realized that I am a dreamer, the silly little boy pretending to be a werewolf covered in dried mud, seeing stories and adventures in every second of every day, but only living those far away fairy tales of illusions instead of working on life.

God can be cruel sometimes, no, strike that; God is never cruel. Life can be cruel. Humans are cruel, and our emotions only intensify that cruelty. We interpret the failures in our own lives as a cruelty that haunts us deep into the night, but when really, life has up and life has downs.

I don’t know where I’m going tonight with these words that my hands keep typing. I guess I have so much swirling in my mind that I just need to get it out. I feel worthless right now, and I know that millions out there feel the same way at this time, I just wish we could all know that there is worth even when we don’t see it. I guess I keep telling myself that. I know that when I pray, I feel a love from my God, and I often don’t feel the failure once that happens, but then some days, the failure is over whelming, and I write nothing but gibberish.

I guess I’m writing this so if someone comes across it, and perhaps, he or she is feeling like a failure or worthless, I want you to know you’re not alone. You at least know that I am here, and if I’m here then there are others dealing with pain of failure. I do know that no matter what, God loves us. You are not a failure in his eyes.

What’s funny as I write this, the song “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips is playing (yes, I have some Wilson Phillips songs). That shows right there that life might be a fickle beast, but all of us just need to hold on because if Wilson Phillips can have a few good songs, then we all can have our own good songs or moments in life. And I can guarantee this – that I’m cheering for you, and your biggest fan is always at your side, and he never gives up on you. May God bless you.

photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/papazimouris/

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