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Our journey together

The name “compiler” is primarily used for programs that translate source code from a high-level programming language to a lower level language (e.g., assembly language or machine code).
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

THE COMPILER (That’s me)
You might be wondering who am I to be writing a blog about God, faith, religion, love, Jesus, forgiveness, serving, and all that a conversation about God brings to the table. Well, I’m really just a man who has sinned a lot, been broken to the point of considering suicide, hated God at several times in my life, depressed many days, stumbled most of my way through life with two broken marriages, and failed being a dad my kids could depend on a daily basis. I’m not a qualified theology scholar or even a scholar of anything other than computers (hence where I get my title from).

I am you.

But as it often is when it comes to God, sometimes, you are asked to do something, and you must obey, and so it is with this blog. God doesn’t use superheroes to spread his glory and love. He chooses a simple fisherman and makes him a fisher of men.

THE COMPILING PART
Why tell you that I suck at everything in my life, that I was a terrible husband and father, and that I go days being unhappy? Why? Because I love you.

I think millions of people if not billions walk around like a zombie every once and while and hate their existence. I write what I write so that you, you, the person hating life and too sad to go to work tomorrow, so you know you aren’t alone. I write for the broken-hearted, the forgotten, and the lonely.

I bare my soul on this blog because I believe God wants you to have hope and understand that he loves you. I get through my days knowing that God loves me no matter what I do or feel. You need to know that you have him and me by your side when you can’t live another day. That’s why I pray and listen to the spirit of God and write what I write. That’s why I compile His code.

We have a living God that loves you. I love you. You may feel alone and unloved, but you’re not. It is easy to be blinded by the ugly in this world. Trust me, I know.

If you feel like you don’t belong, that life sucks, that you aren’t worthy of anything. Follow this blog. Contact me. We are all on this journey together, and I am there for you.

If you feel like you have everything together, then great, help someone who doesn’t. I would like you to see these posts as an opportunity to spark debate about my compilations on this blog because discussing God, even if we disagree on what we are discussing, is a good thing. No, I would say, it’s a blessing and advances God’s will in this world.

I invite you to follow my blog. I believe God speaks in ways that I do not understand, and maybe, just maybe, you have something you are supposed to share with me.

[Note: If you have complaints about spelling, grammar, or other mindless details, please keep them to yourself.]

THE FINE PRINT
I have my beliefs, and what you will read on this blog are my interpretations of God’s voice within me; you will also find that a lot of what I believe differs from mainstream Christian beliefs, but I hope that’s where we can both learn from each other and grow as we discuss God’s will for the world.

So, like a gambler, when the cards have all been played and all bets called, I am laying my cards on the table, and here is what I believe.

  1. There is a God, and he is a living God.
  2. God sent Jesus to help us understand his plans.
  3. Jesus died for our sins.
  4. You experience God’s grace when you love and serve his flock.
  5. The spirit of God lives in everything that exists and that ever existed.
  6. If we listen closely, we can hear the guidance of his spirit.
  7. The bible is a history of God’s interaction with us.

Most importantly, I believe that God is not done communicating with us. Like I stated, he is a living God, and because he lives, he lives with us and in us, so the story of God and us is still being written even as you read this. You matter. You have worth.

I love you.

Wade Miller

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bumpingintowalls

How often do I run into a wall – blooding my nose, falling on my butt, and banging my head against the ground behind? Why do I feel like a mouse in a maze chasing the putrid smell of warm cheese? I get nowhere but work extremely hard to stay that way. Do you feel that way? Lost, not knowing whether to turn left, right, keep the course, or take two steps back and go a different way altogether. Is this what life is about?

Does someone place the cheese at the end of the maze? Or, really, is the cheese a projection of what we want out of life, what we think should be at the end of the maze, what we deserve to get at the end of the tunnel?

Thinking about all the walls that I’ve bumped into, the image of an empty, blank wall that finally kills me when I collide with it, depresses me. It suddenly makes this busy world a small, lonely, isolated room where I end my life with a thud.

Fortunately, I’ve had thousands of instances where I sensed the one, who placed the cheese, watching me as I run around bumping into walls, so I know that my maze doesn’t end in nothing; it ends in a hug from a loving God and welcoming stinky cheese that I quickly devour.

I don’t have any answers for anyone struggling in the maze of life because I still don’t know where I’m at, but I want to leave you with this: why do people place mice in mazes and reward them with stinky cheese?

So the mice LEARN THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR.

So, even though we sometimes get hurt and broken, screaming at the top of our lungs for someone to just rescue us, we are not alone. We have each other in the maze, and we have a living, loving God that waits with welcome arms when we have learned our lessons from bumping into walls and come home to Him.

Take comfort my friend and know that I love you and that God loves you.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shortfatkid/

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Image

Failure. Failure to serve those around me. Failure to serve my lord.  Failure to serve my family. I often wonder how so many people awake every morning and run the rat race while tending to children and working out at the gym, accomplishing so much with so little time. Maybe, that’s not my lot in life. Maybe, my lot is failure. Does it matter really? In the end, when we all take that last breath of air into our lungs, does it matter?

I often spend way too many hours dreaming about what could be instead of living in what should be, and a long time ago, I realized that I am a dreamer, the silly little boy pretending to be a werewolf covered in dried mud, seeing stories and adventures in every second of every day, but only living those far away fairy tales of illusions instead of working on life.

God can be cruel sometimes, no, strike that; God is never cruel. Life can be cruel. Humans are cruel, and our emotions only intensify that cruelty. We interpret the failures in our own lives as a cruelty that haunts us deep into the night, but when really, life has up and life has downs.

I don’t know where I’m going tonight with these words that my hands keep typing. I guess I have so much swirling in my mind that I just need to get it out. I feel worthless right now, and I know that millions out there feel the same way at this time, I just wish we could all know that there is worth even when we don’t see it. I guess I keep telling myself that. I know that when I pray, I feel a love from my God, and I often don’t feel the failure once that happens, but then some days, the failure is over whelming, and I write nothing but gibberish.

I guess I’m writing this so if someone comes across it, and perhaps, he or she is feeling like a failure or worthless, I want you to know you’re not alone. You at least know that I am here, and if I’m here then there are others dealing with pain of failure. I do know that no matter what, God loves us. You are not a failure in his eyes.

What’s funny as I write this, the song “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips is playing (yes, I have some Wilson Phillips songs). That shows right there that life might be a fickle beast, but all of us just need to hold on because if Wilson Phillips can have a few good songs, then we all can have our own good songs or moments in life. And I can guarantee this – that I’m cheering for you, and your biggest fan is always at your side, and he never gives up on you. May God bless you.

photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/papazimouris/

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Love, why! this cursed beast of tangled warmth and pain digests my soul

The moon cresting above roof tops, the inner burning of missing you…

I. Sit. crying until words of this world blur into empty promises and fuzzy memories

An actor forgetting lines in the spotlight, that which is unknown eludes us all…

I. Wish. praying this lazy man bestowed with god’s cherished gifts had recognized the opportunities

A noose hanging from the tree, regret, no, déjà vu, like something should’ve been but never was…

Doom, now! this flawed machine of logical thought and pasted emotions marches forward

Ten little fingers, ten little toes, eyes lifting and begging, searching, knowing emptiness exists…

I. Lie. fooling a soul yearning to break rank and serve preserves the illusion

The shadow laughing on the scattered leaves below, mocking, purging, clearing the faded humanity…

I. Beg. grasping at fleeting reason

Ten little fingers, tender on the face, drawing near, a tiny life whispering, “I love you…”

Crack, Over! dreaming, letting go, rebooting this wretched machine

hanging from the tree – hanging from the tree

hanging    from      the           tree…

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Trust in the Spirit

As my life tumbles along, up the hills and down the valleys, I wonder when and where it will quiet down so that I can catch a breathe, and just when I sense a slow down as it nears a hill, I learn of old friends that must somehow deal with the tragedy of not only losing one child but two, and I realize that my valleys and trapdoors are only bumps that must be dealt with but are survivable with only minor scratches and bruises to show for my fall. (more…)

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