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Posts Tagged ‘feeling lonely’

dance on the bones of dead and try not to cryvomit of loneliness stinks the soul

gushing forth splattering across my world

gyrating and shredding – memories destroy my logic

dance on the boulevard, dance on bones of dead

god damn’t where does it all end

tracking, stumbling, elusive happiness

love craps on faith destroying the will

schemes, dreams,  lies exacerbate my attempts

dance on the mission floors, dance on the lost chances

god damn’t why am I such a motherfucker

destroy, destroy, destroy

god damn’t from nothing to nothing

dust to dust, crap to crap

paradise undiscovered

emptiness

deserve

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bumpingintowalls

How often do I run into a wall – blooding my nose, falling on my butt, and banging my head against the ground behind? Why do I feel like a mouse in a maze chasing the putrid smell of warm cheese? I get nowhere but work extremely hard to stay that way. Do you feel that way? Lost, not knowing whether to turn left, right, keep the course, or take two steps back and go a different way altogether. Is this what life is about?

Does someone place the cheese at the end of the maze? Or, really, is the cheese a projection of what we want out of life, what we think should be at the end of the maze, what we deserve to get at the end of the tunnel?

Thinking about all the walls that I’ve bumped into, the image of an empty, blank wall that finally kills me when I collide with it, depresses me. It suddenly makes this busy world a small, lonely, isolated room where I end my life with a thud.

Fortunately, I’ve had thousands of instances where I sensed the one, who placed the cheese, watching me as I run around bumping into walls, so I know that my maze doesn’t end in nothing; it ends in a hug from a loving God and welcoming stinky cheese that I quickly devour.

I don’t have any answers for anyone struggling in the maze of life because I still don’t know where I’m at, but I want to leave you with this: why do people place mice in mazes and reward them with stinky cheese?

So the mice LEARN THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR.

So, even though we sometimes get hurt and broken, screaming at the top of our lungs for someone to just rescue us, we are not alone. We have each other in the maze, and we have a living, loving God that waits with welcome arms when we have learned our lessons from bumping into walls and come home to Him.

Take comfort my friend and know that I love you and that God loves you.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shortfatkid/

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